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While it was a defense mechanism for me, it wasn't fair that I didn't allow him a clean slate.
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To be honest, I just assumed that deep down, he and his family were probably racist. You and your partner don’t have to agree, but you should know where each other stand and try to understand each other’s perspectives.”įor my part, I had to face the stereotypes I had about white Southerners. Some Latina people support DACA, others don’t. “African-American people have different perspectives some may support Black Lives Matter, and others don’t. “Racial groups are not homogenous,” reiterated Childs. While this may seem obvious, it’s worth noting because we all hold stereotypes, no matter how enlightened we think we are. Don’t make any assumptions about your partner based on their race.
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But his ability to be open and honest about the things he didn't know and his willingness to learn, rather than be defensive, eventually won me over. At times, I was shocked at how little he ever thought about race before me, and that was something that worried me when I first started falling for him. My husband and I were friends before we started dating, and we just organically ended up having these conversations. Your relationship needs to be tight enough not to let naysayers, societal pressure and family opinions wedge you apart, explained Stuart Fensterheim, a couples counselor based in Scottsdale, Arizona, and host of The Couples Expert podcast. The foundation of your relationship has to be rock solid. At least that’s what the experts tell me I’ve only been married seven months, so what do I know? Here are a few things I've learned: 1. While marrying someone of a different race can have added challenges, if you go in with your eyes and heart wide open, you can face those challenges together and come out stronger. When you marry someone, you marry everything that made them who they are, including their culture and race. My husband and I second-lining in New Orleans on our wedding day. I wish we could be all kumbaya-we’re-all-human-beings-love-is-love, but in this current cultural and political climate, race is not something you can pretend you don’t see. Now, at 35, I’m a Minnesota-raised Indian-American recently married to a white American from South Louisiana. I’ve heard that from various people all my life.